...crickets...
I'm still waiting.
I had one friend reach out and invite me to lunch within a few days/weeks of being home, and my parents and in-laws have invited us to dinner and various events a few times.
That's it. One friend and my family.
After weeks of feeling lonely and sorry for myself (much longer than I'm proud of) and an interesting conversation with my sister about her similar experience with friends in Santa Cruz, I realized something. If I wanted to see my friends, I had to make it happen. I'll be the first one to admit that I am terrible at keeping in touch with friends that live far away, as I detest talking on the phone, usually. But I realized that while I expected them to be jumping at the chance to hang out with me after my long absence in LA, their lives had not paused while I had been gone. Most of my friends had several babies, new houses, new jobs, and a plethora of other life *stuff* since I had moved away. So, why was I shocked that no one seemed to care that I was back in town (and had more time on my hands than I knew what to do with)?
Because I'm self-centered. And selfish.
Why couldn't these friends call me or invite me to things or even acknowledge that I am back in town?
Because their lives don't revolve around me. SHOCKER!
Even though quitting my job and moving back up to Sac so Steven could start his career was a giant change for me, for most of my friends, it was just something that popped up on their Newsfeed one afternoon. They had work in the morning like the day before and the next day, they had to feed their babies and their husbands, they were in the process of buying a new house, or planning a wedding, or just generally living their lives. They had routines and families and lives; they weren't trying to ignore me, it's just that I hadn't been around in so long, they probably said the same thing in reverse. "She's back in town; she'll get in touch with me."
And after a while (a loooooong while), I realized if I wanted to see them, I had to make the effort. If I didn't want to sit at home all day alone and bored, waiting for Steven to get off work, I had to make the call. If I wanted to meet people in this new town where we only knew each other, I had to make it happen.
I've since texted/called several friends from before, started a Meetup group, made an impromptu visit to see my parents, visited my sister to help her out (mostly to cuddle my adorable nephew Remington and pretend to help <3), and started to collect items for a care package for my best friend in Alaska (because she's amazing and once sent me a "box of sunshine" because I seemed like I could use some cheering up, not because I would naturally think to do that on my own).
What am I waiting for? If I want good friends, I have to be intentional about maintaining those relationships. I'm not sure why I think friendships can just sustain themselves from 400 miles, 4000, or even 40! If I'm not putting in any effort, how can I expect them to?
